 Teddy Sheringham has been offered a deal by Sydney FC. The 40 year old has been offered a year's contract, with a second year option attached.
Or so we are led to believe ...
In actual fact, Teddy was caught stealing apples from Ashley Cole's fruit barrow - a business the Englishman set up in order to give himself financial security. Caught red handed, pockets bulging with coxes, Sheringham was brought before the sheriff and sentenced to deportation.
Sheringham's sentence is to last two years, with a year's grace for good behaviour. Upon hearing the verdict, professional girlfriend Danielle had these words of comfort:
"Australia's nice, innit? I've always wanted to learn to ski. Teddy says some bloke called Moe Zart was born there, and he wrote sumfink called "A Little Night Music" but I dunno nuffink about books."
Whatever she had to say next was drowned by a passer-by suddenly losing control and battering her repeatedly over the head with a shopping bag.
"I dunno what come over me," said Marge Trent, 72, when restrained. Police later dismissed charges, deeming Mrs Trent's actions self-defence.
"Nobody can be expected to withstand a barrage of such immense stupidity," said arresting officer DI Brown. "If she hadn't whacked her, I would have done."
Mr Sheringham, now nearing the end of his career and life, has made no official comment regarding the potential move. However, sources believe he is very taken with Sydney's excellent accommodation. If the rumours are to be believed, he has already bought an apartment in the popular "Antemortem Retirement Village," where units are equipped with state of the art entertainment systems, such as a Plasma Screen TV with hearing-aid attachment and PS2 with arthritis friendly buttons.
Teddy is also alleged to be delighted with a new sponsor, who is as popular 'down under' as in Blighty. He will be starring in the new Werther's Originals advert some time next year - as long as he stays warm during the winter.
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