|
"If the club decides to sack me because of bad results, that's part of the game. If that happens, I'll be a millionaire and I will get another club a couple of months later.”
EatFootball’s roving reporter has discovered the real truth behind Jose Mourinho’s apparent overconfidence at reaching millionaire status. With a queue of clubs as long as a midget’s trouser press lining up for Jose’s signature, EatFootball can exclusively reveal a secret meeting that took place between Football’s Portuguese Playboy and serial cheater and former family favourite Chris Tarrant.
On hiatus from full-time programming, Chris secretly began filming an exclusive series of “Who Wants to be a Millionaire”, entitled “Who Wants to be a Millionaire…Nights!” With Jose pencilled in as his first guest he was surely a shoe-in for the top prize. After sneaking onto the set of this exclusive edition of the show, EatFootball can report that Jose did not in fact make his million.
Electing to phone a friend after hearing the first question, this reporter’s concealed microphone picked up the 30 second conversation.
Chris: “Fwank, is that Fwank?”
Fwank: “Mum?”
Chris: “Fwank this is Chris Tarrant on Who Wants to be a Millionaire… Nights! We have a friend of yours here who needs a bit of help. <aside> Shall I tell him how much it’s for Jose?”
Jose: “Ehhhhh… in this instance… I say ok”
Chris: “It’s for £100 Fwank”.
Fwank: “I ain’t lendin ya a ton Mum, ask me Dad innit”
Chris: “Your time starts now!”
Jose: “Fwank, Chelsea’s problems this season are the result of, A) One central defender being out injured, B) Inability to motivate multi-million pound signings, C) Referees adopting a stricter stance on diving D) Wasting much of £300m without buying sufficient cover
..
20 seconds
..
Chris: “Fwank are you there”
Fwank: *cough*
..
10 seconds
..
Chris: “Fwank?”
Fwank: “Mottie is that you?”
Chris: “Fwank, who do you think this is?”
Fwank: “Sorry, what? Yeah it was a good game from me and da lads, dunt matter we dint win, we come good when it matters innit”
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzz……………………….
Despite 98% of the audience correctly guessing ‘D’, Jose settled with ‘A’ to fall at the first hurdle and return home to his friends and family with empty pockets. We caught up with Jose the next day only to find he had one last surprise up his diamond-studded sleeve.
“Ehhhhhh…. I speak to my son, he tell me I already millionaire no? As I on three million pound per year… ehhhhh… so I still millionaire! I need no-one, I feel no pressure, I feel nothing. I am Jose”
It seems Jose’s four year old son, Pablo, who we hear on good authority regularly advices and reassures his father on matters monetary or otherwise, has a far better aptitude for money management than the Chelsea boss. On hearing his father’s desire to become a millionaire, he astutely pointed out, during a Beanie Babies advert break, that he had in fact, been a millionaire for some time. Jose Mourinho has since refused to comment further on the matter.
|
Video Category: 
