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 Recent reports have revealed how Iain Dowie not only inspired his team, Coventry City, to a 2-0 victory over Hull by reading them some poetry, but that he even turns his hand to a little verse himself.
"I thought a bit of poetry might be interesting," he said, as reported by the BBC. "I even write a few lines myself. I composed a short poem for my mum's 70th birthday recently."
Now, Eat Football is proud to say we have not only obtained that self same birthday poem, but also an Epic poem charting Dowie's own playing career, entitled 'My Playing Days'.
Ode to Mum on her Birthday.
Happy birthday Mum old girl,
It's time for your reward,
It isn't much - since I was sacked
It's all I can afford.
It is a bunch of hyacinths
Bought from the local Shell.
I also bought you 4-4-2
And some arthritis gel.
I'm sorry I'm not there with you,
I think it is a pity,
But I have got a job at last!
With who? Coventry City!
I hope I do not let them down
Like with Charlton Athletic
When Peter Varney said I was
As good as an emetic.
So Happy Birthday from your son,
And drink lots of champagne.
I'll call you when the game's been played
And I've been fired again.
My Playing Days
When I was a little lad
Southampton came for me,
But though I did my very best
They had to set me free.
They said I was not good enough
For a football career,
So off I went to Hertfordshire
To be an engineer.
I worked for British aerospace
But never gave up hope,
'Cos playing football for a wage
Is money for old rope!
I played for Cheshunt, bless their socks,
And tried to do my bit,
But eating pies and drinking beer
Was no way to keep fit.
So off I went to Hendon where
I really buckled down,
And then one day a scout arrived
From mighty Luton Town!
I played for them for three whole years,
But then they sold me, too,
And I spent several months dressed in
West Ham's claret and blue.
You'll never guess who came for me
Now I was on the map!
Why, just the team who, years ago,
Rejected me as crap!
So I played in the red and white
And scored them 30 goals,
But while we were ok up front,
The back was full of holes.
Next up, the Eagles signed me on
And I came highly rated,
But even with me on the team
We still got relegated.
So I jumped ship and off I went
To West Ham's Upton Park.
I stayed 3 years and I was sure
That I would leave my mark.
My chance arrived in the League Cup,
When, leaping to defend,
I pulled a cracking header off -
And scored at the wrong end.
I never played up front again.
The boys could not shut up
About the power-header which had
Kicked us out the cup.
I moved to QPR and there
I played right at the rear,
A decision which, in light of all,
Was never very clear.
We struggled in the league, and soon
The stands were full of sneers,
I had to turn the other cheek
To all the taunts and jeers.
They mocked me for the way I looked
Like something from the morgue,
They said I looked like Davros,
And compared me to The Borg.
My time was up. My playing days
Had sent me round the bend,
So, logically, I took a job
In management - The End.
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