With the welcome news of Newcastle’s Michael Owen returning to fitness, the Geordie club have announced they will be taking no chances with the injury prone player.
The Magpies have announced Michael will be fitted with a revolutionary piece of new anti injury kit on his return back to the premiership.
The Human Bubble Ball is not dissimilar to a large transparent beach ball in which the player is placed and sealed in, preventing injury from opposing players.
A Newcastle spokesperson told EN:
“This is ideal; Michael is totally safe in the Human Bubble Ball, any rash tackles on Michael will not be felt and the offending player will rebound off the tough durable bubble.”
To try and understand the workings of the Human Bubble Ball, EN spoke to its inventor, Bert Limpsfield, Bert told EN:
“It works on the same principal of a hamster wheel you see, the player, in this particular case Michael Owen, will run within the bubble and it will pick up speed, he can also direct the bubble by leaning to the desired direction.”
The ground breaking piece of equipment has shown interest with other Premiership players, it is believed Chris Kirkland, Harry Kewell and Joe Cole have all tested the H.B.B.
Although on closer inspection of the H.B.B, it does seem to have its safety issues. A Newcastle grounds man agreed to speak with EN as long as he remained anonymous, Mike Winklestack of 32 Green Lane,Newcastle told EN:
“Its bloody dangerous like, I saw Michael testing it on the training ground like, and the wind caught it like, and it blew across the field out of control, Nobby Solarno saved the day by diving on it, Michael was a bit shook up like man you know.”
Further allegations on the safety of the H.B.B come from Arsenal’s wonderkid, Theo Walcott. Sources from the club claim Theo’s bubble bust just after the World Cup.
By Karlos the Jackal
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