Lee Hendrie is secretly the second coming of Christ. This might seem unlikely given his disciplinary record, but he has been consistently misunderstood throughout his career.

Most recently Lee Hendrie has been demonized for his attitude to the disabled. Previously however his "get up and walk" attitude had so impressed the England manager of the time Glenn Hoddle that he gave him his only cap.

Lee Hendrie’s, recent "get up and walk" comments to a disabled fan have been widely misinterpreted as discriminatory abuse. Lee Hendrie was however not abusing him but healing him. Like the first incarnation of Jesus, Lee Hendrie has the ability to make the lame walk if they follow his instructions and "get up and walk". Lee Hendrie also has the ability to make linesmen see.

Unfortunately nobody has yet had faith in Lee Hendrie and followed his instructions and been healed. His abilities have only caused him trouble. Managers and policemen have smelt alcohol on his breath and have assumed he has been drinking during training or while driving. Lee Hendrie had in fact only accidentally turned a refreshing drink of water into wine.

Only a few figures in football are aware that Lee Hendrie is the second coming of Christ. Very few of them have been supportive. After Lee confided in Gary Lineker he was met only with mockery. When Hendrie was shown on MOTD swinging and missing at the ball Lineker could be heard joking that Lee must have had a hole in his foot to miss that chance. This is particularly cruel as Lee does have holes in his feet from the crucifixion.

Martin O’Neill has also refused to offer his support and said, "He’s not the Messiah he’s a very naughty boy".

By Joe Bleazard