Gareth Southgate learned his fate today, as the Premier League Board voted not to provide him with a 'Licence to Kill'.
The Middlesbrough boss, fresh from visiting the premiere of the latest Bond film, had hoped to receive the licence to pursue a lucrative career as an international superspy. Instead, he must return to coaching duties and hope that he is at least allowed to remain as manager until he completes his coaching badges in the summer.
Defender Emanuel Pogatetz was with Southgate when he received the 'Dr No'. He told us, 'Gareth had been really looking forward to the announcement, its something he'd always dreamed of as he's Judi Dench's biggest fan and had been looking forward to working for her. When he got the call I thought he was going to cry, he even mentioned that he might end it all, that he might stride out into the Middlesbrough smog without his gas mask and never be seen again. We talked it through and I think I persuaded him that he could Die Another Day'.
Neighbours on Southgate's exclusive County Durham housing estate later told of a commotion when the former England defender arrived home. Roulette chips, weapons, a dinner jacket and several exploding watches were all thrown onto the lawn from an upstairs window as loud sobs were heard from indoors. Later still, the RSPCA were called to capture a fluffy white cat that had seemingly been abandoned by its owner.
In an official announcement to the press from his agent, Southgate was said to be shaken, not stirred by the news.
By Matt Warnes
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